Five of the Worst Things That Happened to MONA LISA

The Misadventures of MONA LISA

(originally published in the Huffington Post)

Mona Lisa is no mere masterpiece; she's a survivor. Few works of art have endured so many mishaps--in and out of the frame.

1. She was attacked.

In 1956 a vandal threw acid at the lower part of the painting; later that year a young Bolivian flung a rock, chipping pigment on the left elbow. Bullet-proof, triple-laminated glass has kept Mona Lisa safe against more recent missiles, including a Louvre souvenir mug heaved at the painting by a Russian woman distraught over being denied French citizenship.

2. Advertisers cashed in on her image.

Retailers have harnessed Leonardo’s lady to pitch Rembrandt toothpaste, Old Masters deodorant, Gioconda condoms, Head-and-Shoulders shampoo, Renaissance hotels and California milk (from a cow called Moo-na Lisa). You can find Mona Lisa chocolate, champagne, cigars, wigs, games, software, soaps and skin creams. And if you should need one, an American manufacturer offers a top-of-the-line “artful restroom” -- the “Porta Lisa.”

3. She was misdiagnosed.

According to various medical theories, Mona Lisa was pregnant, cross-eyed or suffering from an enlarged thyroid, high cholesterol (which created fatty deposits around her eyes) or a paralyzed facial nerve that immobilized her mouth. Dentists have blamed her closed-lip smile on teeth that were missing, aching or -- in the most scurrilous claim -- damaged by mercury used to treat a venereal disease.

4. She’s been morphed.

Leonardo’s oil-on-poplar painting has been translated into every conceivable medium, from coffee cups (filled with varying amounts of milk) to jellybeans to Legos to toast (above). Chinese artisans spent five years reproducing her image in multi-colored jewels. Australians constructed a 22-square-foot replica with 50,000 Skittles. American teenagers used seaweed to recreate Mona Lisa on Daytona Beach.

5. She became the queen of kitsch.

Unfettered and unframed, Mona Lisa has appeared in sunglasses, hair curlers, burka, kimono, sari, nose ring, Mickey Mouse ears, black boots, Santa hat, see-through blouse and nothing at all. Her face adorns tee shirts, towels, umbrellas, mousepads, mugs, lockets and luggage. She shows up on the sides of barns and barrooms, in hotel and hospitals (delicately covering her mouth in mid-sneeze).

Yet despite all the low-brow locations she’s graced, Mona Lisa has never lost a timeless touch of class.

Read the complete article at the Huffington Post or find five more of Mona's mishaps at "Becoming Italian Word by Word."

Dianne Hales is the author of MONA LISA: A Life Discovered and LA BELLA LINGUA: My Love Affair with Italian, the World's Most Enchanting Language. Click here to find out more.-